ladies, so you wanna cut a dash on yer flashy new shoppers, choppers,
bombers, rigids (ooohh err!),
hard-tails, sussa's and racers.
(my Albert used to be
a racer, now he just relies on a pace maker.)
Well let us give you a few fashion tips on 70's and 80's regalia.....
Make sure you dress sensibly with enough material to cover all those
unwanted tyres, around your waistline (or fat suit if you havent
In summery conditions we recommend a nice long one
piece floral number. However some of the grannies prefer to wear
matching 2 piece outfits. Just remember lots of flowers and bright
colours. Vulgar is the new black.
don't forget to accessorize hats, scarves, capes, gloves, rainmacs,
rollers, pinnies all set the trend on the Manchester to Blackers.
dont forget your handbag (especially if you have a basket
to drop it in). Absolutely essential for keeping your make up in;
just remember red and green should never be seen .
You never know
when you are going to need it, especially if you're out on the pull in the local bingo hall
like you need your favourite pen and hip flask at bingo,
you need the right kit to go riding.
Mable says a good pedigree of bike is always going to provide comfort and practicality, two things
most important to a lady of her years.
should know, she's been ridden more times than the local bus)
A good-sized basket capable of carrying fruit and veg from Reginald
the grocers is essential. (he's got lovely
veg to go with your meat you know)
We recommend the lightweight wicker or wire design as illustrated
on a bikes offer several advantages including good ventilation downstairs
and increased flexibility.
They provide a perfect riding garment. (see
They also offer great 'eye-candy' to all those filthy old men when
a breeze kicks up. When wearing a frock take note of the snag
hazard presented with modern chain driven bikes, hence we recommend
the use of a chain guard. (B).
After a few fig roles things can start to get al little loose
down there so a large padded saddle is a must. (C)
Finally, swung back handlebars and a large bell will make sure
no-one misses you as you cut a dash to the shops. (D)
fashionable and safe with the gogrannygo patent pending gran-met
Remember always make sure to find a helmet
that fits you comfortably. Big isn't always best...
It's a good idea to try lots of helmets before you settle down with
one. Go to your local cycle shop and ask the young men to show you
If you're lucky they might let you have a ride with one.
We've all got our hands on lots of helmets over the years, even
the ones that have looked a bit odd, and we've always felt safe.
to prepare, prepare to be frail."
This is our motto when going for a long hard ride. You must keep
yourself going when all around you are falling by the wayside.
Always make sure you have a good picnic with you at all times
and don't forget the BOOZE!!!
These are our top tips for keeping you pumped and chirpy on
one of those big gruelling romps in the country.
a good selection of biscuits, You've got to keep your sugar levels
up! Remember... the more colourful; the more chemicals and preservatives, and preservatives help you live longer!!
forget Granny loves cream on her buns...
loves to keep warm with her Tommy soup and stay sweet with condensed
most of all Grannies love a tipple............BuRpP!!!!!!!!!
The Granny Training ride in June 2003 saw Evie, Penny and 9 other entrepid
grannies, hack their way up and around Macclesfield forest.
The going was tough and after many near misses we thought we were
on for a clean trip. After popping into the Hanging Gate for a
celebratory end of slog sherry, we flew down towards Langley and
the lovely Leathers Smithy Pub.
Wafting effortlessly along our frocks flowing, we admire the view
of the Cheshire plain, we approach a tight right hand bend. Now
to even the in-experienced fair sighted granny this is 'touch
of the brakes' type corner,
not a 'go at it like it's the deli counter at Safeway when
pre-roast Christmas Turkeys are on offer' type of corner.
Now unfortunately Brenda Over didn't have her bifocals with her
and she was stuck on the short sighted end of her vision, seeing
nothing more than a few feet of the road ahead. We called to her
but our efforts were futile as she had also forgotten her hearing
aid. Entering the corner like soldiers into a knocking shop she
exceeded limits of her rubber, flinging her into crazy slide and
into a stonewall.
Good job her helmet withstood the pounding.
this is our first importantant safety point:
- KNOW YOUR LIMITS!!!
've thought we'd all learnt our lesson.
The words of my School Master ringing in my hearing-aid. Always
protect your puck with a hard stick!
So we all flew down the next hill, without a care in the world.
Until Penny had a little slip....
NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU ADJUST YOUR HANDBAG WHILE RIDING YOUR
did, and learned the hard way. Over the handlebars she flew. The
top of the bars was ground away by the tarmacadam, and so was
Pennys scalp. The Paramedics said their was a hole the size of
a golf ball and a tear the length of a slide-rule. Ouch. We couldn't
look. Some said she had needed a facelift for sometime, but this
was a foolish way of going about it. It's a good job the road
surface was kind to the rest of her face, or she could have her
teeth removed, and a fireplace put in.
So into the ambulance she was bundled, and off to the local hospital
A needless use of a hospital bed, by one careless oversight.
But how good were the Paramedics and the Nurses!
An overnight stay to observe her state, and next day, some stitches
and TLC, and now Penny is as good as almost new.
of the ladies wrote this little poem,
to help us all to remember not to be as careless as Penny.
once was a wrinkly from Mac
Who cycled with a dress on her back.
Up hill and down dale she went
Penny was usually spent.
But one fateful day
A hill in her way,
Her handbag slipped to the side.
On went her brakes
By the crumbs of my cakes
It made her fall off and slide.
Now tar on the road is rough
And Penny is usually tough
But flying at speed
Separated from steed
For the head it is more than enough.
So to save you from pain
In dry or in rain
A helmet is best for your head.
If you don't stick to this rule
And your handbag isn't cool,
You could just end up being dead.